In his book The Different Drum, M. Scott Peck writes about 4 stages in community growth: pseudo-community, chaos, emptiness and true community. Living in this community house at St Clare's, I desire to be living in true community with my housemates. Yet while true community sounds beautiful and the desire for it is admirable, to get to true community there's the far less sexy work of chaos and emptiness that must be done first. Chaos is that stage in a relationship when we're trying to fix, heal or convert the other person. Even when I really do know what's best for the other person and their life actually would be better if they did what I know they should do, that's not the path to true community. The path to true community is through emptiness. I must first empty myself of all my desires (regardless of motive) to change the other person and truly accept them as they are (warts and all) to experience real communion with them.
Sometimes this path of pseudo-community - chaos - emptiness - true community is a daily journey for me. The day dawns, the sun is shining and all is well in the world of Lisa. But then... a tap is left dripping... someone doesn't do what I expected them to do... my avocado is eaten... the clouds roll in and the thunder rumbles in the world of Lisa and I am annoyed! It takes a quiet moment, most often in the chapel, where I'm still, silent and gracious enough to realise that the other person is not at fault. I'm annoyed because the other person hasn't fit into the box I've put them in. On my better days, this is a doorway into humility and repentance and I can welcome the other-ness of the person, value the diversity of our community and see the gift that this community house is to me. Sometimes, the storm takes longer to clear and my mood stays cloudy for longer than I care to admit.
I usually find that I'm more open to and accepting of others when I'm open to and accepting of myself. And I'm usually more open to and accepting of myself when I'm centred in the loving gaze of God. Would you like to join me in taking a moment to be still, silent and gracious enough to know yourself, to experience God's loving gaze and to embrace emptiness in your relationships with others? How about now? It'll only take a few minutes, I promise.
